Metal bands to love to hate[views:20033][posts:156]__________________________________________ [Jan 31,2010 10:46pm - Conservationist ""] [img] If you love metal, you hate what destroys it. Like a cancer, bad metal destroys from within. However, it's often quite popular with those who want to be bad boys and like metal, but want to dumb it down to be the same old stuff. Here's a list of bands to hate if you really love metal. Metal bands to love to hate |
| ____________________________________________ [Jan 31,2010 10:56pm - MikeofdecrepitudE ""] [img] |
| _______________________________________ [Jan 31,2010 11:01pm - goatcatalyst ""] who's that bug catcher? |
| ____________________________________________ [Jan 31,2010 11:05pm - GRAVESIDESERVICE ""] I am surprised we didnt make the list... |
| ____________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 12:11am - Alx_Casket ""] bennyhillifier |
| _________________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 12:59am - Conservationist ""] GRAVESIDESERVICE said:I am surprised we didnt make the list... This is a shit list... make something as metrosexual as Opeth or the iPad and we'll be sure to add you! |
| ___________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 8:07am - arilliusbm ""] No Trivium? No Black Dahila Murder? No <insert random band that has Neige in it>? This list could keep going! |
| ______________________________ [Feb 1,2010 8:32am - Slymo ""] that dudes list is fucking gay... |
| ________________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 8:44am - metal_church101 ""] Slymo said:that dudes list is fucking gay... What is that list? I can't view that site from my work. |
| _____________________________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 9:04am - Professor Riffskington ESQ. ""] In college, I wrote two essays, one about Opeth and the other, Meshuggah. I went into elaborate detail regarding the technical superiority of both bands, within the metal scene. I had to painstakingly reference my calculus books in order to explain how Meshuggah composes their overly complex songs. I compared Mikael Akerfeldt's lyrics to the romantic poetry of Lord Byron and the most heartfelt soliloquies of Shakespeare. I was going for nothing less than an A, coupling it with the fact that my metal credibility was on the line! I was so unbelievably anxious to impress my entire class on how elite I was! I received full honors and my degree in Opeth/Meshuggah listening. My professional metal license now gives me the authority to listen to both bands and belittle others who do not "get" what they do. |
| ________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 9:05am - reimroc ""] agree with some disagree with some. some of these i just can't take seriously and therefore i am labeling this blog post an attempted trolling. |
| ______________________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 9:18am - Slipknot Juggalo 666 ""] this list is bull! no immortal? what about those emperor faggots? bathory was the biggest fucking poseur of all time, mimicking groups of hippies in the 70's in norway. My favorite band, slipknot could play burzum on a drum machine and a sampler. What a sally Varg was and is. |
| ___________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 9:26am - arilliusbm ""] Sounds like someones a little offended that Opeth or Meshuggah got on this list. I enjoyed it and thought it had valid, but brief statements. I don't agree with some of it, but if I'm looking for melody, the last thing I'd want to throw on is Meshuggah. Other than that, Dethklok was nailed. |
| _______________________________ [Feb 1,2010 9:48am - mike29 ""] Funny list. I got SUNN0)) early on, but it seems they've gotten a bit pretentious. Same with Opeth. I second the nomination above for Trivium. Let's not forget BlowJob for a Cowboy and Devildriver. Since we're hating, how come no one mentions just how much The Sword ripped off Sleep? Or maybe they do, and I just missed it. |
| _________________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 10:08am - TheRidersofDoom ""] I agree with all bands on that list, add devildriver on there and it's gold |
| ___________________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 10:47am - MikeofdecrepitudE ""] [img] |
| ___________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 10:50am - arktouros ""] So, Meshuggah is bad then? |
| _____________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 11:29am - Slarcofago ""] were they ever good? |
| ___________________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 11:34am - FuckIsMySignature ""] i agree with about half the information on that list. the other half i stongly disagree with. everyone is in entitled to their opinion. |
| ___________________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 11:36am - MikeofdecrepitudE ""] This thread just reminded me that the new Meshuggah DVD is coming out this month. Thanks Spinoza! |
| ____________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 11:40am - arilliusbm ""] I can only listen to Meshuggah when I'm in a certain mood |
| ___________________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 11:45am - MikeofdecrepitudE ""] I like riffs, so I can listen to them at any point in time. |
| ______________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 11:50am - goatcatalyst ""] arilliusbm said:I can only listen to Meshuggah when I have a metronome up my ass. U crazy |
| ____________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 11:53am - arilliusbm ""] nigga plz. |
| ___________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 11:58am - arktouros ""] Certain mood exactly, they play an extremely rigid style of metal music...mostly exist to enhance the psychadelic experience, to examine any further is pure fagottry and they don't fit on this "list" |
| ______________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 12:02pm - quintessence ""] I agree with it all except Ulver. Although there are some good points I suppose. |
| ___________________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 12:09pm - MikeofdecrepitudE ""] Any list that compares old In Flames to Dissection = LOL |
| ____________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 12:11pm - arilliusbm ""] Yea that was funny. I also disagree with ulver- i like everything they've ever put out |
| _________________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 12:16pm - metal_church101 ""] LOL. Put Out. |
| ______________________________ [Feb 1,2010 12:39pm - Yeti ""] yeah i don't really understand Ulver being on there, granted they've done a complete 180, and i don't care for the direction, but they are good at what they do. but hate for Nattens Madrigal is something i will not suffer. |
| ___________________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 12:47pm - MikeofdecrepitudE ""] I understand Ulver more so than old In Flames. Then again, Anus.com is the internets leading metal authority, so to question it would be foolish. SM:0 |
| ___________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 12:51pm - arktouros ""] Something about opinions and anusi |
| ____________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 12:56pm - arilliusbm ""] I think anus is and has been one of the best metal sites I've encountered for my 16 years on the net. People have been getting butt-hurt over the reviews for so long. |
| ___________________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 12:57pm - MikeofdecrepitudE ""] Anus/Evilmusic.com are staunchly opposed to the degradation of our beloved metal. They provide a great service and valuable insight into the culture of metal, whether one agrees or not. |
| ___________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 1:07pm - arilliusbm ""] Very conservative approach to the progression of metal, or lack thereof. I find myself agreeing with a number of things expressed, because I think most metal is or has been losing its meaning/values as of late. That doesn't mean metal is bad now or there's a bunch of shitty bands, but iv always preferred metal from the 80s-late 90s depending on what style or band. |
| __________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 1:15pm - arktouros ""] Anus is fantastic, I just think meshuggah and ulver are niche bands where tratitional ideas of the conservative metalhead don't really apply to... In flames on the other hand... |
| ___________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 1:18pm - arilliusbm ""] I'm a huge fan of in flames' work up to colony. not huge on colony but jester race, subterranean, lunar strain are undesputible classics IMO. |
| __________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 1:22pm - arktouros ""] And to look back, there have been extremely shitty metal bands always and today is no different. The fine line between diversification and genre lumping versus cohesive and concrete projects is a problem today. Still, artistic opinions are cheap no matter who publishes it. |
| _____________________________ [Feb 1,2010 1:29pm - Yeti ""] someday i hope to hang out and talk about music with Conservationist. it seems like it would be a hoot. |
| ____________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 1:35pm - ouchdrummer ""] can someone please cut and paste the list here, my work is blocking it. |
| ________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 1:36pm - reimroc ""] lol again conservationist knows how to troll rttp. |
| __________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 1:38pm - arktouros ""] Dethklok How can you hate a cartoon? It's supposed to be funny. It makes fun of metal's weaknesses. Ergo, by the passive-aggressive inversion, if you dislike this you're afraid to laugh at yourself. And who likes someone who can't laugh at himself? Except that joke bands have always been stupid, with the joke/hype/trend coming before the music, and Dethklok is no exception. Recycled riffs. Moronic pop song structures. TV commercial jingle-like melodies. And bad guitar playing that dumbs metal down to MTV levels. Let's turn it around on them: who has a need to look like they can laugh at themselves? Why, people who cannot, of course. But they don't want you to know that. Cannibal Corpse When I was a wee liberal, I never thought much of Cannibal Corpse until I read their immensely misogynistic lyrics. Then I decided to hate them. Upon reflection, however, what I really hate about this band is its falseness. They studied metal in the early 1990s, and came up with a pre-chewed version. Taking their style from Suffocation, and their songwriting from Malevolent Creation, they bashed out these simple hymns and instead of having an idea behind them like "only death is real," they just tried to be offensive and gross. How junior high school! Even more, they have gotten more repetitive and grind-you-down-with-simple-stuff as they years have gone on. I couldn't hate this band more. But, having met them and seen they are nice intelligent fellows, my only conclusion can be that this band is a pure money-maker -- and they about admitted as much. Opeth Life isn't fair to you. You have few friends. You haven't succeeded at anything, school or otherwise. Even your parents think they consumed too much Bisphenol-A before conceiving you. But you've found a new weapon; you're going to show everyone you're better than them. Enter the fake progressive rock band. Opeth take very simple songs and dress them up with prog rock lite flourishes, and "unexpected" changes like ZOMG going from acoustic to distorted on the chorus, because they know that all you low self-esteem cases want a reason to seem smarter and more profound than the rest of us. Well, now you have it. Opeth "sounds like" prog even if it has none of what made prog great: real musical development, song structures that build upon themes instead of being random, and truly mindblowing chops. Instead, you get watered down Rush riffs and random songs, all with a lot of guilt and bleeding-heart sympathy because they, Opeth, know you are a loser. Stop comparing homosexuals and Mac users to Opeth. It's an undeserved insult to homosexuals. Meshuggah I was talking with a Texas technical deathgrind master and he wrote a formula for me: Meshuggah = lots of clueless fans x lack of musical knowledge. If you have played guitar and learned theory, you know how trivial this band is. It's basically a jazz percussion approach to metal rhythm guitar. Lots of offbeats within offbeats, if you know what I mean. No melody, no song development. In fact, song structures are linear in that they follow the sub-division of beats to a riff, expanding over time in a circular fashion. It's really boring. But if you want to seem like you got the ultimate in technical metal, you'll think you're really cool for liking this distracted, random, artless band. Same critique applies to Necrophagist. They both attract people who want to be cool and smart, but have no knowledge of how the world works, which is why people are Meshuggah fans for exactly two years and then go on to liking Deerhoof and Yoko Ono. Cradle of Filth What's the best new thing? Something that's the old thing... but "sounds" new! You can make anything sound different with different production, playing at different speeds, using black metal voices or more distortion. And so if you take Iron Maiden, throw in some fast melodic death metal riffs, but keep it nice and tasty pentatonic, you'll have the perfect product. People can be undercover conformists. They can look like rebels for listening to this angry sounding music, but underneath it, there's that same old happy Iron Maiden that millions of people the world over like. Cradle of Filth is the perfect product and millions bought it, then immediately forgot them, to the point where you don't hear about them at all. But this was a huge trend and basically boring music with a lot of drama surrounding it. Ulver In theory, I would like this band as they have a formal background in music and clearly know theory. However, they have no souls. They made the plasticine "Nattens Madrigal" by imitating black metal bands, but playing indie rock songs in the black metal style. Sweet, twee, poignant, ironic melodies and pop song structures defined that CD. Ever since then, Ulver has made a career out of being "different." They make electronica that sounds like an angrier version of all other electronica! They make concept albums that sound like two indie rock CDs with the lyrics re-written! They make bold public statements and image changes like Bono of U2! What they don't do, however, is understand metal and what makes it great. Instead, they try to make metal into the genre they belong in, which is indie rock, and dumb it down accordingly. Again, conformity disguised as non-conformity, because if you tell everyone you're a non-conformist, you can't possibly be a secret sheep, amirite? Necrophagist Musical illiteracy is a ripoff musician's best friend. People do not understand how melodies should develop over the course of a song, and how technical playing without a goal creates chaos and fragments your consciousness, not builds on it. Necrophagist play melodies, all right. They play short blasts of melody over and over again, very quickly. Then the song jumps to something unrelated and obviously "different." It's like a sampler plate at a restaurant, a little bit of everything so you don't have to choose what you want. Then it jumps back. And back again. And then it's over. The vocals are like the chant of an auctioneer. The riffs are advancing guitar exercises. Drums are what you'd expect from a failed jazz drummer on tons of meth trying to cover Nine Inch Nails. The end result? A lot of distracting, directionless crap. But people like it because it's more technical than what you are listening to, therefore they must be smarter. QED, muddafugga. Baroness If your douchey alt-rock band fails, throw on the distortion and play really slowly with obvious stoner themes. Now, thanks to the magic of record company marketing, you're the latest metal trend! Work hard before your 15 minutes (or 18 months, at which point all your fans get promoted to head waiter) of fame evaporates. You'll make money by making them feel like they've discovered the one secret rebellion that will really upset their parents. It's like a giant tribe of stoners, descending on the world, man. They're going to make everything right or at least feel all-right. Do you realize you're listening to the sam sad crap your grandparents grew out of in the 1970s? In Flames First there was At the Gates, who made The Red in the Sky is Ours, and blew us all away. Then came black metal. Then came Dissection. Then someone wondered what would happen if you took Dissection and dumbed it down, made it a little more like regular rock 'n' roll, and claimed it was new and exciting. I guess that person was a genius because people still take In Flames seriously, although at the time their first CD came out metalheads universally viewed them as clueless, wimpy and latecoming carpetbaggers. These guys are ripping off Iron Maiden on every album. They get away with it because their fans want to think they're new and fresh and evil, not warmed-over 1978 heavy metal. These retreads from the mid-1990s keep puking out the crap and for some reason, people still discuss them. Rammstein Once there was a band called Ministry. They realized that no one had done IDM with guitars yet. So they made this style of really simple metal/punk/rock with industrial beats and weird background samples, and a huge audience went crazy for it. The same year, Nine Inch Nails made an album that was equal parts dance and hatred, with lots of keyboards and some buzzy guitars. Ever since then, people have been trying to recapture this audience because they're still out there. Rammstein is the industrial hard rock version of Mickie Krause, with a heavy dose of Tool in the backdoor. They like to be shocking. It's really a tiresome play that happens every generation as kids try to shock their parents and teachers. But you can't shock the world at large because it doesn't care. It's more apathetic, cynical, nihilistic and cruel than any candy-industrial rock band is going to be. So Rammstein are in the big picture like greeting cards. They tell you a little bit of truth, put some flowers and kittens around it, and you pay a 1500% markup and go home happy, but confused. Just go listen to Ministry already. Cynic This band started out really well with a solid demo that sounded like it was one third speed metal, one third death metal, and about a third jazz fusion. No problem; we all want to be Atheist. But then immediately the neurosis started. First they tried to get more fruity sounds in their instrumentation, then they added the harmonized vocals, and finally, they just admitted they didn't want to be death metal and quit, after a decent first album, Focus. Then in 2009 they decided to really ruin their reputations except among morons. They piled together a bunch of jazz cliches and metal cliches, and threw them at each other, then overplayed the rest. This is because they know their fans know little about music but want to seem like they do. If you take a few guitar lessons, you really want to show you've got that knowledge, so you start listening to Big Important Concept bands and genres like jazz, which is sort of like degraded classical music for people who need ideas pre-chewed. Cynic fans like to act outraged that anyone cannot see the greatness and complexity of Cynic, and use that to imply that the rest of us are stupid, when if they took the time to tab out these songs, they'd see that they are random bits stuck together with excessive guitar licks. Wolves in the Throne Room You're at home listening to your new outrageous indie rock CD when your Mom comes home and catches you. It turns out she has the same CD. In the car. She and her friends listen to it, your Dad likes it, even your grandfather thinks it's OK, because indie rock is the same crap they've made since 1952 or so, just with more wailing and self-pity (and minor chords). So you storm out of the house thinking, "I'll show them!" You go to the record store and decide to skip past all the music for healthy people, you'll get metal. And then you find Wolves in the Throne Room. It's like that outrageous metal, but it's safe. It contains safe moral opinions that people at your church and Democratic fund raiser would agree with. It's basically indie rock, but they play it like it was black metal. And it's totally boring, so you can have it droning in the background while you wonder if anyone ever anywhere has suffered as much as you have. Boris Wait -- it's Yoko Ono! No, it's Deerhoof! No, it's another chick wailing her head off with the coordination of a trisomy 21 patient. She wants us to think this is profound and progressive and new because normally, people don't try to repackage SUCKS as SUCCESS. But that's her gimmick, and the gimmick of most modern art. This is unusual because it's illogical. If you don't understand it, you're little people -- fetch me a sandwich. Only the enlightened pure and true understand our indie rock that we play (occasionally) as if it were black metal. Nevermind that black metal already existed. We want to remake it in our new and improved style. Which suspiciously resembles normal indie rock, but did we mention, there's a chick wailing like a burnt Down's syndrome kid? The fans can't tell the difference because they learn to play guitars and basic music theory, but never think about what gives music meaning, because that would require they look into their own souls. And you can't look into your soul, and still think you're the whole world. Hipsters love this music because each one of them is a party of one and the rest of the world just doesn't exist! So they call it brilliant. On and on, South of Heaven. Sunn o))) Stephen O'Malley is a fantastic person, a great artist, the world's best stoner and truly, an insightful individual. However, he sold his soul to the devil with this hipster project. If you live in Austin, or are intimately familiar with the apps on your iPhone, this might be for you. It's concept art. That means that they think up an idea that would be unusual, and make it in musical form, even if it's boring, because it has symbolic value that us peons cannot decipher because we have tiny peon brains. So when someone plays a guitar really slowly for ten minutes and never develops a song out of it, you either get it because you're a genius, or you're an intolerant backward moron with a peon brain. They even get funky and throw in "found sounds" and sometimes have an orchestra show up and try to riff on the two notes allotted for each song. The word "sophomoric" describes people who take a little knowledge and use it to pretend they understand the world. It also describes all Sunn o))) fans. Pantera We've saved the best for last. Rocket back to the late 1980s with me. Your hair metal band just failed because you look gay even to homosexual rights activists, and not in the good way. In the supersonic stupid way. You're out of money, and this band named Metallica has just raised the stakes for metal bands by being harder and faster. They're harder and faster, while you're prancing and pouting. So what do you do? Turn that fear of your masculinity outward, and become a tough-guy version of Metallica. This is what Pantera did with their first "real" album, Cowboys From Hell. Metallica riffs in simple songs with lots of 'roid rage posturing. It got worse after that as Pantera added more trends to their faux metal charm bracelet, dabbling in death metal and blues rock, until their music ended up a mishmash of completely random influences. People like this band because it's a good introduction to basic rock guitar. They can understand it, and it also appeals to their wounded masculinity. If you buy a Pantera album, the thinking goes, you'll become more tough and angry like Phil Anselmo. People from the real world know that's not true, which is why most of Pantera's fans are skinny teenagers trying to figure out which fraternity will be most likely to help them score someday. There you have it: a catalogue of fail. Or rather, fail that is highly praised by those who know not much of anything. Naturally, products designed for idiots that make idiots feel like geniuses are big sellers, so you'll have to suffer seeing this bands around for a while yet. But as time goes on, it's amazing how the crap gets filtered out and the really powerful stuff endures. |
| ___________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 1:40pm - arilliusbm ""] Yeti said:someday i hope to hang out and talk about music with Conservationist. it seems like it would be a hoot. I might be in austin TX for a trip soon. Let's go. Make sure you bring lots of euro cigarettes. |
| ________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 1:41pm - reimroc ""] the only thing i really adamantly disagree with is the cynic post. |
| __________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 1:43pm - arktouros ""] like any of the extra fluff in that article really merits any discussion |
| ____________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 1:51pm - ouchdrummer ""] I love how this asshole assumes because he doesn't get a band that their is nothing to get, and that anyone that's into them obviously is trying too hard. (Necrophagist/Meshuggah) And not liking Cynic? "Cynic fans like to act outraged that anyone cannot see the greatness and complexity of Cynic" Really? Where does he come up with this shit? "Traced in Air" is a beautiful album that sure, isn't metal, but who cares? It's great music, really relaxing, catchy, and melancholy. It's perfect rainy day music. This guy seriously just thinks his opinion is the word of god. He sounds like such a duchepillow. Wait.. was this written by Conservationist? |
| ____________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 1:53pm - ouchdrummer ""] This guy sucks. |
| ___________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 2:01pm - arilliusbm ""] arilliusbm said: People have been getting butt-hurt over the reviews for so long. |
| __________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 2:02pm - arktouros ""] fluff piece != review!!!! |
| __________________________________________ [Feb 1,2010 2:04pm - MikeofdecrepitudE ""] There's no point to get upset over the opinions of others. Just because he say's those bands are gay doesn't make it a reality. You're still going to like whatever it is you're into. |